Memories and God's Faithfulness

The following is a journal entry from my son's Caringbridge site back in 2011.

Again, I weep as I look back over God's faithfulness. When we are in the middle of tragedy and painful circumstances it can be hard to see God's hand, but take heart and know He is there.

I look back now and see His grace and faithfulness so clearly. It can be painful to look back, but there can also be healing in it too. Look back over your life at past victories that you know only God brought you through.

Please don't be deceived, in heartache and pain, He is there, He is not afraid of it nor shocked by it. Our Daylen received a glimpse of Jesus and it is too precious not to share.


Journal entry by Tori Williamson — 12/13/2011

Wow, it has been a while since I have updated. As always, no news is good news. Its hard to believe it has been 4 months since Daylens last surgery. Its even harder to believe that Daylen will be 3 years old the 29th of this month. During his surgeries and recoveries, it always seems like we are there forever but now it is just a blur. I believe that is the grace of God. If I look at pictures from those times, they can stir up so much emotion. Im so glad I dont have to be controlled by my emotions or I would be a total mess. This last surgery in Boston back in July was very interesting and I want to share some things with all of Daylen's faithful prayer warriors. These amazing things I am going to share have nothing to do with me or my family but only God.

First of all months prior to the surgery it was hard for me not to panic when I thought about it. I had read so many stories of children who had devestating outcomes. I had to just stop searching the internet and stop worrying and start talking to God about the way I was feeling. I told Him I was afraid and I asked Him to please let Daylen live through another heart surgery. I remember one morning during my bible time, I prayed right from God's word "For the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise; those who go down to the pit cannot hope for your faithfulness. The living, the living -they praise you, as I am doing today." Isaiah 38:18-19. As I cried and prayed that prayer asking Him to let Daylen live, He gave me amazing peace and then I realized I was reading from the same book of the bible and the same chapter that God spoke peace to me in the very beginning with Daylen. As I cried out for answers in the shock of it all in the beginning, one little part of verse 5 from Isaiah 38 stuck out to me. It read "I have heard your prayer and seen your tears." I knew at that moment that God had not left me and He had heard my cry for Daylen and He was in control.

I remember praying about Daylen in February when the doctors thought he would have the surgery in May. I prayed for God's timing and for God to show me the right time. God whispered July in my ear. I wrote that in my prayer journal and trusted Him. Sure enough time kept passing and Daylen had his 3rd open heart on July 22 in God's time. I am still guilty of talking too much, but I believe and know with all my heart if we would all slow down and just listen, God will speak to us. I know what He has to say is way more important than what I have to say.

Before and during the surgery, I prayed alot of Psalm 91 over Daylen and the surgeon and all the nursing staff. "He will cover you with feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." Psalm 91:4.  "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." Psalm 91:11-12.

After the surgery, Daylen did so good. He was able to get off the ventilator that same day. All Daylen wanted was water and he was not allowed to have any for four hours. He cried and cried for water. I was talking to him about anything and everything trying to get his mind off of wanting water. He had his paci in fussing and I said "you know Daylen God is with you now and he was with you in the surgery and everything's going to be ok." He stopped crying and took his paci out and said "And Jesus and Bobby and Eoch and  all the peoples." (We believe Bobby and Eoch are Daylen's angels, he talks about them and to them all the time.) I just about fell out of my seat. It was just me and him. David had gone out to make some phone calls.

I held back the tears and I asked him what Jesus looked like. He said without hesitating "purple and white." I always imagined Jesus in white but I know purple means royalty. I asked him what Jesus said and he began to smile and sing a song that I have never heard. I could not understand the words but it was a song no doubt. He said that Bobby held him and he told Bobby "to get down." (read Psalm 91:12 again:) I know with all my heart that "all the peoples" were angels that I had prayed for God to send concerning Daylen. I sat there so amazed with tears flowing at how God had comforted my little boy during his sugery. There is no telling what else he was able to see with the first two surgeries but he couldnt talk then to tell us. I was amazed but I really shouldn't have been, God had answered my prayer. He protected Daylen and comforted him just like I had asked him to.

Daylen has talked about Jesus since then. I asked him once what did Jesus' hair look like? He said "white." I said what about his eyes? He said "white" I said what about his face? He said "white" Then I asked what about what he was wearing and he said "purple and white." I thought about it and I believe that Jesus in all of his glory was so bright to Daylen that all he could see was that bright white light of Jesus' glory and his purple clothes.

Some of you may not believe any of this and that's ok. I know it's real. Read God's word about all the people who were allowed to see a vision of God or had a visit from an angel. Read Isaiah chapter 6, it's powerful! The Lord did more than I asked or could even imagine(Ephesians 3:20) to comfort Daylen and give him peace.

After we got home. I just had to sit down and process those past 2 weeks filled with so many different emotions. Those times when I watched Daylen suffer the most were the times that God spoke and comforted the most. His faithfulness is amazing! I opened my bible again to Isaiah but this time chapter 48 verse10. "See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another." The KJV says "I have CHOSEN thee in the furnace of affliction.

I read that over and over and thought about these past few years and was just amazed. If you are going through some tough trials, hold fast because God has chosen you for this because He knows you will give Him glory through it. He tests those that He trusts will give Him glory through the "furnace of affliction." Praise God wherever you are because you are His. Remember He is our shield, whatever gets to us has to go through Him first and we can absolutely trust Him.

"Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of His praise be heard; He has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver. You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs. You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of ABUNDANCE."- Psalm 66:8-12

Thank you guys for always praying for our little man. Trent and Daylen both are doing so well. They are excited for Christmas and Trent will say "The real gift is Jesus."  I pray you all have a very Merry Christmas! Love you all!!

Tori

At the King's Table

As I stumble to the king's throne
I've never felt so afraid and alone

He summoned me, me the crippled and lame
He even summoned me by name

Oh, why have I been called by the king?
Embarrassed, I have nothing to bring

How ashamed I am of these rags I wear
His royalty is too much to bear

In his presence I fall on my face
Hoping to be shown a sliver of grace

He speaks, and his voice is soft and low
I realize he sees me not as his foe

Did I hear him right?
I'm unworthy of this delight

An invitation to sit at the king's table
He wasn't bothered by my appearance or label

He didn't even seem to notice my flaws
As I was carried down the palace halls

I am Mephibosheth
This honor takes my breath

There it is, an empty seat just for me
From Lo-debar to the palace, how can this be?

As a son I am treated
As I am carefully seated

From helpless and lame
To full of joy and free of all shame

The feast, oh yes it is a sight
But cannot compare to my masters glory and light

From rags to royalty
I've never known such love and loyalty

I was forever changed the day I fell
But now at the king's table, all is well

I am the king's honored guest
And at his table I finally find rest

Don't you see, we are Mephibosheth too
The King of kings makes us new

An invitation, so glorious
God, Himself desiring to dine with us

Will we accept His gracious invite?
Or will we make excuses, saying "not tonight"

He is knocking gently upon our hearts door
Will we allow Him in, to stay forevermore?

One day, later will be too late
Don't be the one in sorrow at the gate

Say yes to Jesus, the One and only Savior
At His table encounter His love, joy, and favor

There is a seat waiting for you at the King's table

Opportunities to Pray

I've been reading "Discipline, the Glad Surrender"  by Elisabeth Elliot and it is packed full of godly wisdom. There have been many moments where I have read a paragraph and had to lay the book down to ponder and soak it all in.

In the first chapter she is alone in Texas looking out her window admiring all of God's beautiful creatures when she sees a javilina (wild pig) limping.

Then she wrote: "I wish I could bind up the hoof, comfort him somehow. That is beyond my powers, but I have recourse to another kind of succor, better than any bandage. I pray for him."

"It is possible that he was brought to my window this morning precisely in order to be prayed for."

Wow, I wish I always had this mindset. When things are going on around me, to remember that God has placed me there to pray. No matter how small or big a matter is, it's all a simple matter to the Lord, so pray, about everything! See everything as an opportunity to pray!

That simple story has stuck with me. All around us everyday, God is inviting us to join Him in what He is doing through prayer. Sadly, most of the time we are too consumed with self or too distracted to notice these heavenly opportunities.

Today I was out most of the day with our middle son. He had his yearly cardiologist appointment first thing this morning. We are so thankful that all his tests look wonderful!

On the way out to the parking deck we heard the helicopter at the hospital take off. We knew they were rushing to someone in great need, so we prayed. We prayed for the workers and for the patient they were going to treat.

Not far from the hospital, we saw a lady who appeared to be homeless and we felt helpless, so again, we prayed. We prayed for God to provide her every need.

It has become a tradition to visit Krispy Kreme after Daylen's cardiologist visits. We walked in and saw the custodian sitting down with a pained look on his face and he was rubbing his leg. I asked him if he was ok and he said "yes, I'm just so tired and achy; my feet and legs swell so bad." I then asked him if Daylen and I could pray with him. He said "of course!" After we prayed, the man raised both of his arms in renewed strength and joy of the Lord. Wow! What an opportunity to pray!

Then the nice young man who patiently waited on us to decide how many glazed donuts we wanted has a nephew who had a kidney transplant recently. Another opportunity to pray!

On the way home, we pulled over to show respect for a funeral procession. Then, Daylen prayed for this family who had just lost a loved one so close to Thanksgiving. He prayed, asking God to comfort them and be their peace.

I think a change of perspective is a good change. Seeing every situation as an opportunity to talk to our Father. When we feel helpless, pray. When we are thankful, pray. When we are tired, pray. When we see someone struggling, pray. When we don't know what to do, pray.
Pray. Pray. Pray.

Our prayers are never in vain.
"Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath" Psalm 116:2

What an honor to be able to be in constant communion with our Heavenly Father. May we become more and more aware of His presence and His desire to commune with us.

And may we become more and more aware of opportunities to seek Him, praise Him, ask of Him, talk and laugh with Him, listen to Him. May we become more aware of opportunities to pray.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Wanting to See but not be Seen

Wanting to see but not be seen. Can't we all relate? Wanting to see and know but at the same time hoping to not be noticed. Because if we were truly seen and truly known we may be neglected or rejected.

Zacchaeus was a wealthy man and most likely had all he needed and wanted. Yet, Zacchaeus had a desire to see Jesus, to simply get a glance at the One he had heard about.

Unable to see through the crowd, his desire grew to determination as he ran ahead of the crowd and climbed up a tree to get a good look at this Man walking by.

Zacchaeus wanted to see Jesus but never expected to be seen by Jesus. After all, who would notice a man sitting up in a tree? Plus he was a sinful man and Jesus was not.

But Jesus did notice him. More than that, Jesus saw Zacchaeus into the depths of his soul. Jesus not only saw him, He knew him, He created him after all. He came to seek and to save him. How astonished Zacchaeus must have been to hear Jesus call him by name.

Zacchaeus went from wanting a glimpse of Jesus to joyfully receving Jesus into his home. Sure, Zacchaeus wasn't a saint and sure there were mockers who didn't understand, but the Savior had seen him, called him by name, and wanted a relationship with him. That outweighed the opinions of others. He didn't stay in the tree feeling unworthy, he came down and received Him joyfully.

Zacchaeus encountered Jesus and his life was forever changed. Zacchaeus received way more that day than a glimpse of Jesus, he received a new heart, a Savior, and a love he had never known.

Maybe you have been watching and wondering from a distance. It is time to heed Jesus' call and climb down to encounter, receive, and enjoy the Savior. Be certain of this: He sees you. He sees your struggles, pain, sins, fears, and hopes. He sees you and desires you. Will you respond to His invitation?

Whether we want to be seen by Him or not, He does see us. He does know us. He is calling us. He beckons us also to come out of hiding to truly see Him, to dine with Him, to know Him.

"Then she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, You-Are- the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, "Have I also here seen Him who sees me?" Genesis 16:13

"for the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." Luke 19:10

HE is my Peace

Anxiety greets me as I wake
I dare not surrender
His joy, no one can take
My God, He alone is my defender

This world, Jesus overcame
My spirit knows He is my joy
And before time began, He knew my name
It is the enemy who came to steal, kill, and destroy

Even still, worry tries to creep inside
The "what ifs" are too much to face
It would be easier to run and hide
Then I remember, my Lord is my Hiding Place

I will refuse the enemie's lies
The Sword of the Spirit is in my hand
My God bends low to hear my cries
He whispers peace and upon His promises I will stand

As He surrounds me with songs of victory
I worship and praise my Savior
My fears and worries are now history
I am covered by His shield of favor

I Choose to focus on Him alone
While worries fade away
By Him, my heart is known
In His presence I will forever stay

Anxiety and fear have gone
Thank you Jesus, You are my peace
My God is Immanuel, I am never alone
This truth I know, His love for me shall never cease

By the Sea

I hear the waves crash onto shore
And listen for Your voice
In Your presence, I desire nothing more
In the beauty of Your holiness, I rejoice

Ezekiel describes Your voice as rushing water
When I behold the vastness of the sea
I am reminded of Your sovereignty
I am the clay and You are the Potter

I look upon the grains of sand
I cannot number them in my hand
Your thoughts towards me are even more
Oh, my life and my heart, to my Savior I pour

I search for beautiful, whole shells as treasure
Only broken pieces lie under my feet
Then His voice speaks with love beyond measure
He begins to teach, and like Mary, I take a seat

Though broken, beautiful and unique is each shell
Even in my brokeness, He pursues me
inside this jar of clay, He desires to dwell
Oh, the lessons He teaches by the sea

The waves crash and I listen
His presence is always near
Upon the waters the sun does glisten
Be still, He is calling, do you hear?

A glimpse

A glimpse

The rough sea roared with power
Thunder, loud and fierce
Yet You, Oh Lord are my Strong Tower

I saw faces filled with fear
Yet, somehow with boldness I prayed
Knowing You were near

In the middle of the dread
By Your mighty hand
I knew I was being led
I would faithfully stand

I know the One who is sovereign over the sea
The raging waves shall not overtake me
He proved His love with each nail
In fire or rain, He will ever be Immanuel

The sea parted and I saw dry land
You were in the distance
And would soon be holding my hand

Yes, in the midst of the unknown
I saw a glimpse
A glimpse of You, like the morning dawn

A glimpse of You dressed in purple-white light
Glowing with love, power, and might

I could not contain my excitement
But, others did run and hide
With shame and fear from deep inside

They were not ready
We must proclaim now the good news
Before empty are the church pews

As with Jeremiah's cry
We must warn them of Satan's lie
Only Jesus can save!
His life and blood, He gave!

This was only a glimpse
A gift given in a dream
But, oh, so real did it seem!

One day it will be more
Not only a glimpse
That day I will truly soar
The day I see You face to face
All because of Your amazing grace.

Until then I'll hold onto this vision
And lead others to that saving decision.
Oh,but, one day soon with You I will be
Forever and ever and for all eternity!

Warning Signs

Yesterday I was on my way home and passed by probably ten bright orange signs warning me that there was road construction ahead. I saw all these signs, but it didn't really dawn on me until I saw the man holding the stop sign.

In this life, God gives us warning and caution signs along the way through His Word, through other believers, and really however He so chooses. I mean, He even spoke to Balaam the prophet through a donkey in the Old Testament.

He speaks and warns, but are we listening? Just as I really didn't grasp that there was road construction until I saw the man with the stop sign, my fear is that many are ignoring God's warning signs and won't realize it until it is too late.

Years ago, we were on the beach with family and we could see dark clouds looming overhead, we could also hear loud thunder in the distance. As we packed up our things, I was amazed at the people that continued to lie on the beach as if no storm was approaching.

Speaking of storms, I dreamed recently about an awful storm with loud thunder and a rough sea, actually there were tsunamis. The people in my dream were afraid, but continued to watch to see what was happening.  Then, in my dream, the sea parted and at the end of the path, I could see a new Earth and a Man in bright white and purple light. In my dream, I knew it was my Savior! I knew it was Jesus, then I heard beautiful music playing and I knew I was about to see Him face to face. I was ecstatic, but when I turned to look around, those same people that had watched the storm were hiding and afraid and ashamed at Jesus' appearance.

At 3:30 that morning I woke up excited but I also wept because I know there are so many that are not ready to see our beautiful Savior face to face, in fact it is a fearful thing to them.

I just finished reading through the Bible, (it took me 3 years, but there are so many gems to dig up and meditate on). Verse 7 of Revelation chapter 19 says:

 "Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready." 

I love what Beth Moore has to say about this verse:

"Notice the qualifier of the bride's actions: she has made herself ready. Past tense. We cannot make ourselves ready the moment we see Christ any more than a woman can be prepared to meet her groom at the altar with three minutes notice. I want to be ready. Don't you? I don't want to be caught with spiritual curlers in my hair."

There are people all around us who are not ready, what are we doing to upbuild His kingdom?  I cried as I read chapter 20 of Revelation. There is a judgment day coming. Those that will be cast into the lake of fire will stand before God Almighty. They will get a glimpse of His magnificent face, the One who pursued them, the One who loves them relentlessly, the One who died so they could have abundant life in Him. A glimpse is all they will get before they are eternally separated from Him.

Ezekiel 33 proclaims that we are watchmen. We are to share truth and warn others in love.

"But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet, and the people are not warned, and the sword comes and takes any person from among them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at the watchman’s hand.’

 “So you, son of man: I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; therefore you shall hear a word from My mouth and warn them for Me.  When I say to the wicked, ‘O wicked man, you shall surely die!’ and you do not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. Nevertheless if you warn the wicked to turn from his way, and he does not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you have delivered your soul.

 “Therefore you, O son of man, say to the house of Israel: ‘Thus you say, “If our transgressions and our sins lie upon us, and we pine away in them, how can we then live?”’  Say to them: ‘As I live,’ says the Lord God, ‘I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?"
Ezekiel 33:6-11

God has no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that they would turn to Him and truly live. He is so patient, yet He is coming. In fact, He says: "Behold I am coming quickly!"
Are we ready to meet our Bridegroom? And if we are, are we building up His kingdom by warning others and sharing His truth and love with them?

Passion

We watched the movie National Treasure recently and this line stood out to me:

"Go one step short of crazy, what do you get?"
"Passionate."

When you're passionate about something, you can't help but speak about it. Your passion is what drives you, what your life is centered around. Your passion is most likely whatever you spend the most time thinking and talking about.

In this world, it is considered acceptable to be passionate about many things.....sports, our work, our families, our own hobbies and interests. Yet when we are passionate about Jesus Christ, some may think we are crazy or even fools.

I listened to my husband lead devotions last night and he taught out of 2 Kings 6:5-7

This passage contains an amazing miracle. The sons of the prophets were cutting down trees by the Jordan and one man lost his ax head in the water. Not just any ax head but a borrowed one. Elisha asked him where it fell and the man knew the exact spot in the water. Elisha then cut off a stick, and threw it into the Jordan and the iron ax head floated to the top of the water where the man could retrieve it.

"But as one was cutting down a tree, the iron ax head fell into the water; and he cried out and said, “Alas, master! For it was borrowed.”

So the man of God said, “Where did it fall?” And he showed him the place. So he cut off a stick, and threw it in there; and he made the iron float.  

Therefore he said, “Pick it up for yourself.” So he reached out his hand and took it."

My husband then began discussing the difference between being devoted to something and being passionate about something.

An example would be: kids that play several different sports may be devoted to one sport, but passionate about another. 

The difference? If the child is devoted yet not passionate about baseball, he will show up to practice and games but his whole heart is not in it. He shows up because he is committed to his team.

That same child, however, is passionate about soccer. He gets dressed an hour early and practices in his yard before the game. He runs to the field every practice excited to learn more about the sport. He talks about soccer all the time, because he's always thinking about it. He's excited to play because he is passionate about playing soccer.

Many believers begin their journey with Christ filled with passion and fire, but often we lose that passion. We remain devoted to Him, but somewhere along the way we lost our passion. The man in 2 Kings 6 knew exactly where he lost the ax head, we too usually know where and when we lost our passion for Christ. 

It is possible to go back to that place, allowing God to heal and mend our hearts and minds and pick our passion back up. 

I remember watching a woman worship in the front of the church and she didn't care what people thought of her, she poured herself out to the Lord. The passion and fire inside of her was contagious, it affected everyone around her. She wasn't simply devoted, she was passionate! Passion points people to Christ!

If you've lost your passion for Christ, please know He has not lost His passion for you, and you can go back to that place of loss and pick it back up. 

If we're going to be passionate about anything, may it be Christ alone. 

Father, forgive us for our misplaced passions, for allowing other things to take Your place. Bind our hearts to Your heart and fill us with Your passion. The cross is a picture of your passion for us.  Take us back to the place we lost our desire and passion for You that we may pick it up again. Break us away from everything that has distracted us hindering our walk with You. Thank you for Your endless mercy and compassion. May our passion for You drive us to be who You created us to be and to fulfill the callings You have placed on our lives. 

Amen.

Somewhere Today,

It's such a beautiful day. I'm watching our boys play soccer in the yard, yet I am tearful and my heart is so heavy.

My heart is overwhelmed with prayer for a family. A family somewhat like ours. I'm watching our 8 year old heart warrior running and playing and at this very same moment there is another heart warrior in a hospital room fighting for his life.

Years ago, I remember entering a gas station a few days after receiving our son's devastating diagnosis and was shocked to see life moving on for everyone else. The thought crossed my mind "these people have no idea how broken I am."

Today, in my own little world everything is just fine, yet I know that somewhere today, someone is hurting. Somewhere today, someone is wondering if the people around them can see how broken they really are.

Somewhere today, someone is fearful knowing they can't pay their bills that are piling up. Somewhere today, someone doesn't know where their next meal will come from.

Oh, Jesus, help us to not be so consumed with our own little world that we forget that somewhere today, someone is broken and needs Your touch.

Open our eyes to see what You see, break our hearts for what breaks Yours. Fill us with Your compassion. May we be Your hands and feet.

Learning to Soar

Boys.....they're always diving into adventure. You know, adventure that sometimes stresses their mama out. Adventure like jumping from the top of the play house, or grabbing their BB gun and heading out to the woods.
Adventure like "look how high I can climb up this tree." You get the picture, right? Well their latest adventure has been skateboarding, so after much pleading, we took them to a skate park.

When we arrived, there was a little girl there skateboarding with her daddy. He would hold her hand to help her skate down the ramp. He eventually let go, and moved further away each time. She finally said "Daddy, stop moving so far away, I need you here." He said  "I will hold your hand if you want me to, but I know you can do this. I'm right here, watching you." With her eyes on the path in front of her and on him, she did it!! She soared off that ramp and he had the perfect view of watching his daughter conquer her fear.

She didn't find courage within herself but in her daddy.

I could not help but think of our Heavenly Father and how He lovingly encourages and nudges us out of our safety zones. We're on the ramp like this little girl looking down and thinking through all the "what ifs" and He's right there smiling, beckoning us to trust Him.

He doesn't mind holding our hand and affirming us over and over, but I believe at times, He enjoys stepping back and watching His children step out in faith.

This little girl's daddy celebrated over her for conquering her fear. I know our Father celebrates and sings over us each time we choose to say "ok Daddy, I'll do this if you want me to." Then, with our eyes on Him, we forget our fear and all the "what ifs" and we choose to soar. Our focus is completely on Him as He rejoices saying "that's my daughter!"

He makes us brave.

He makes us fearless.

He makes us soar.

He is a good good Father.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,  nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:37-39

Interrupted Plans

Seat F-24.....that was my seat assignment on a recent flight. I was supposed to be sitting next to my friend that I was flying with, but something happened and our seats got mixed up.

So I was prepared to have 3 hours of quiet time with the Lord and His word until I realized it was hard for me to read while flying. I closed my Bible and sat, then realized that I should pray for an opportunity to minister to the one flying next to me.

We finally began a conversation about weather and where we lived. Then he asked, "Is that a Bible?" I knew that was an opening from the Lord. For the next couple of hours we talked about Jesus (or maybe I talked most, but he had lots of questions.)

I could literally see the Father's love for him. I did not have all the answers he was looking for, but I did have my testimony. With great excitement and joy I shared with him how Jesus totally pursued me and set me free from sin and myself. He said he would like to believe that Jesus was pursuing him as well but he just wasn't sure. I assured him that Jesus in fact was pursuing him and loved him and sat me beside him to tell him that.

Can I just say that it's ok to not have all the answers. If the Holy Spirit lives within you, you have everything you need. It's OK to say "I don't know" or "I don't understand that either."

But if we are the redeemed of the Lord, we should say so, Amen? He has given us all a testimony, and that testimony is to be shared, whether with a friend or a complete stranger on an airplane. He's been too good and too faithful not to share Him.

Revelation 12:11 says
"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death."

In that moment it did not concern me that he most likely thought I was naive or even crazy, my desire was for him to know the love Jesus has for him. When you've been set free, you want others to be set free. I do not believe in coincidences, God placed me there to bear the name of Jesus and testify to this man. What an honor!

So the next time our plans are interrupted, may we remember to ask God what He's up to and how He would like to use us in that moment.

Is God nudging you to share Him and your testimony with others? If so, you have everything you need already, just follow His leading.

By the way.....this stranger promised he would ask God to reveal Himself and think about everything we talked about. So please join me in praying for this man, that he would experience Jesus!

What I've Learned from HLHS

If you are familiar with our family, you know that we have three handsome boys with a cute freckled face red head stuck in the middle who happens to have half a heart (HLHS.) I don't say "only" half a heart because I believe God has given him everything he needs for right now and that is enough.

CHD (Congenital Heart Defect) awareness week is just around the corner and I thought I would share some things I have learned on this HLHS journey.


1. Scars are Beautiful
Scars, those that are seen on the outside as well as those that are hidden on the inside are beautiful reminders of what God has brought us through. I cannot count the times I've traced that long scar down Daylen's chest and cried tears filled with gratitude. If we have the right perspective, scars can be memorials of God's faithfulness.

2. Diagnosis is not Identity
Will our son always be known as the kid living with half a heart? Maybe, and that's ok because it's a part of the testimony God has given him, but it's not who he is. This heart defect does not define or limit him in any way that really matters. Do I still watch him closely as he's playing ball to make sure his breathing is ok and he's not pushing himself too much? Of course and I probably always will, but he plays ball and that fact alone is amazing!

3. Healing takes Time and it's not always pretty
Daylen's chest was left open for a couple of days after his first open heart surgery due to all the swelling. David and I have literally watched our child's heart beating inside of his chest. It was difficult and painful to look at, but in order to heal properly it was necessary. Healing, whether physical or spiritual often takes time, but God's word assures us that "The Lord heals the brokenhearted and binds their wounds." Any kind of binding takes time, so in faith we wait patiently on the Lord knowing He is the One who heals our hearts whether it be physical or spiritual.

4. Letting Go is Super Hard but often Necessary
It was painful to let Daylen go back with his surgeon each time.  We were led to a waiting room where we would impatiently sit on the edge of our seats. Every surgery was difficult, but his third and last open heart was the toughest. You see, Daylen was only 8 days old for his first open heart, 6 months old for his second, and 2.5 years old for his third. At 2.5 years old, Daylen was walking, talking, and calling us all by name. The nurse who was about to sedate him looked at our tears and said "I'm sure you are used to this since it's the third time around." I just looked at her speechless, but then Daylen's cardiologist spoke up for us by saying "but that doesn't mean it gets any easier, actually I imagine it's even harder." He was so right, we held our little boy and prayed over him asking God to protect him while the surgeon and nurses waited nearby, then once again we handed him over for his chest to be opened one more time. Whatever the situation, letting go is never easy, it takes courage but it's often necessary. Recently, Daylen was determined to swing across the monkey bars at the park. He said "Mama, the hardest and scariest part is letting go of one bar to grab onto the next." I would say that life is the same, it takes courage to let go of whatever we are clinging onto (our comfort, past, what we think is best) and reach out, clinging to Jesus and everything He has for us.

5. I'm Not Strong Enough and That's Ok
During Daylen's last hospital stay he would ask David to play a song over and over. The song is "Strong Enough" by Matthew West. He heard it on the radio all the time and loved singing along. The lyrics would pierce my heart every time reminding me that I'm not strong enough and that's ok because in my weakness, His strength is made perfect. He is my strength! Leaning on our own strength is absolutely tiring, but falling into His strength is where we discover peace and rest. There is beauty and freedom in complete surrender. Below is the video to this beautiful song.

6. To Not Worry and Stress but to Pray and Trust
Imagine bringing your two month old home after doctors have told you that he can't cry too much because all the oxygenated blood will flood his lungs and leave the rest of his body blue. They also told us if he were to get a common cold it could be fatal. Imagine laying your baby down for his nap when you hear a "pop" and he begins to scream, and you realize somehow his feeding tube had popped out! He was so fragile the first 6 months of his life and I quickly learned that I must trust Jesus with ALL of my heart in ALL circumstances. Worry, stress, and fear of the unknown only left me miserable. I knew I had to take every fear and worry to Him because it was too much for me to carry. We can certainly cast our care on Him for He cares for us. He is always faithful to supply everything we need for every moment.

7. To Live Moment by Moment and Appreciate Today
Life is sacred and precious, we are not promised tomorrow. Daylen's life has taught me to appreciate each moment, each heartbeat, each new morning. I've learned to slow down, to laugh and be silly, to make eye to eye contact while listening to loved ones, and to simply enjoy today. You can never hug your children or tell them "I love you" too much. I have learned to stop being so consumed with the future, and to live in today, the right now.

8. Jesus is enough!
I have learned that Jesus is everything I need Him to be, my Comforter, my Refuge and Hiding place, my Redeemer, my Healer, my Peace, my Strength, my Joy, and much much more. This earthly life is super short in comparison to eternity and through Daylen's journey, He has taught me to "keep my mind set on heavenly things and not on earthly things." He is able to bring good out of our worst tragedies. Through joy and sorrow, Jesus will always be enough.