The following is a journal entry from my son's Caringbridge site back in 2011.
Again, I weep as I look back over God's faithfulness. When we are in the middle of tragedy and painful circumstances it can be hard to see God's hand, but take heart and know He is there.
I look back now and see His grace and faithfulness so clearly. It can be painful to look back, but there can also be healing in it too. Look back over your life at past victories that you know only God brought you through.
Please don't be deceived, in heartache and pain, He is there, He is not afraid of it nor shocked by it. Our Daylen received a glimpse of Jesus and it is too precious not to share.
Journal entry by Tori Williamson —
Wow, it has been a while since I have updated. As always, no news is good news. Its hard to believe it has been 4 months since Daylens last surgery. Its even harder to believe that Daylen will be 3 years old the 29th of this month. During his surgeries and recoveries, it always seems like we are there forever but now it is just a blur. I believe that is the grace of God. If I look at pictures from those times, they can stir up so much emotion. Im so glad I dont have to be controlled by my emotions or I would be a total mess. This last surgery in Boston back in July was very interesting and I want to share some things with all of Daylen's faithful prayer warriors. These amazing things I am going to share have nothing to do with me or my family but only God.
First of all months prior to the surgery it was hard for me not to panic when I thought about it. I had read so many stories of children who had devestating outcomes. I had to just stop searching the internet and stop worrying and start talking to God about the way I was feeling. I told Him I was afraid and I asked Him to please let Daylen live through another heart surgery. I remember one morning during my bible time, I prayed right from God's word "For the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise; those who go down to the pit cannot hope for your faithfulness. The living, the living -they praise you, as I am doing today." Isaiah 38:18-19. As I cried and prayed that prayer asking Him to let Daylen live, He gave me amazing peace and then I realized I was reading from the same book of the bible and the same chapter that God spoke peace to me in the very beginning with Daylen. As I cried out for answers in the shock of it all in the beginning, one little part of verse 5 from Isaiah 38 stuck out to me. It read "I have heard your prayer and seen your tears." I knew at that moment that God had not left me and He had heard my cry for Daylen and He was in control.
I remember praying about Daylen in February when the doctors thought he would have the surgery in May. I prayed for God's timing and for God to show me the right time. God whispered July in my ear. I wrote that in my prayer journal and trusted Him. Sure enough time kept passing and Daylen had his 3rd open heart on July 22 in God's time. I am still guilty of talking too much, but I believe and know with all my heart if we would all slow down and just listen, God will speak to us. I know what He has to say is way more important than what I have to say.
Before and during the surgery, I prayed alot of Psalm 91 over Daylen and the surgeon and all the nursing staff. "He will cover you with feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." Psalm 91:4. "For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." Psalm 91:11-12.
After the surgery, Daylen did so good. He was able to get off the ventilator that same day. All Daylen wanted was water and he was not allowed to have any for four hours. He cried and cried for water. I was talking to him about anything and everything trying to get his mind off of wanting water. He had his paci in fussing and I said "you know Daylen God is with you now and he was with you in the surgery and everything's going to be ok." He stopped crying and took his paci out and said "And Jesus and Bobby and Eoch and all the peoples." (We believe Bobby and Eoch are Daylen's angels, he talks about them and to them all the time.) I just about fell out of my seat. It was just me and him. David had gone out to make some phone calls.
I held back the tears and I asked him what Jesus looked like. He said without hesitating "purple and white." I always imagined Jesus in white but I know purple means royalty. I asked him what Jesus said and he began to smile and sing a song that I have never heard. I could not understand the words but it was a song no doubt. He said that Bobby held him and he told Bobby "to get down." (read Psalm 91:12 again:) I know with all my heart that "all the peoples" were angels that I had prayed for God to send concerning Daylen. I sat there so amazed with tears flowing at how God had comforted my little boy during his sugery. There is no telling what else he was able to see with the first two surgeries but he couldnt talk then to tell us. I was amazed but I really shouldn't have been, God had answered my prayer. He protected Daylen and comforted him just like I had asked him to.
Daylen has talked about Jesus since then. I asked him once what did Jesus' hair look like? He said "white." I said what about his eyes? He said "white" I said what about his face? He said "white" Then I asked what about what he was wearing and he said "purple and white." I thought about it and I believe that Jesus in all of his glory was so bright to Daylen that all he could see was that bright white light of Jesus' glory and his purple clothes.
Some of you may not believe any of this and that's ok. I know it's real. Read God's word about all the people who were allowed to see a vision of God or had a visit from an angel. Read Isaiah chapter 6, it's powerful! The Lord did more than I asked or could even imagine(Ephesians 3:20) to comfort Daylen and give him peace.
After we got home. I just had to sit down and process those past 2 weeks filled with so many different emotions. Those times when I watched Daylen suffer the most were the times that God spoke and comforted the most. His faithfulness is amazing! I opened my bible again to Isaiah but this time chapter 48 verse10. "See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another." The KJV says "I have CHOSEN thee in the furnace of affliction.
I read that over and over and thought about these past few years and was just amazed. If you are going through some tough trials, hold fast because God has chosen you for this because He knows you will give Him glory through it. He tests those that He trusts will give Him glory through the "furnace of affliction." Praise God wherever you are because you are His. Remember He is our shield, whatever gets to us has to go through Him first and we can absolutely trust Him.
"Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of His praise be heard; He has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver. You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs. You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of ABUNDANCE."- Psalm 66:8-12
Thank you guys for always praying for our little man. Trent and Daylen both are doing so well. They are excited for Christmas and Trent will say "The real gift is Jesus." I pray you all have a very Merry Christmas! Love you all!!
Tori
