Be Clingy

As I was brushing my teeth the other night, I sensed the Lord say “Just watch him.”  Our 6 year old has been somewhat clingy to me lately. Sure enough, as I was brushing my teeth, he walked in and sat on the bathroom floor right beside me. We were in the living room and I did not announce that I was leaving the room. Daylen simply noticed and followed me. Every morning, somehow he knows when I am up and I can count on him to get up and sit with me. The Lord is teaching me through Daylen. He wants me to cling to Him just like Daylen clings to me.

I am Daylen’s safe place right now. He is never too far from me. If I do get out of his sight, he will call out for me. I pray as he gets older that he will be dependent upon God the way he is dependent upon me now. I believe God wants us to constantly cling to Him. To constantly depend on Him. If that’s called being clingy, then so be it!

 The Message version of Psalm 63:8 says “I hold on to you for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post.”

 The thing is though; I cannot cling to Jesus and cling to everything else at the same time.

At the Women of Joy conference a couple years ago, God gave me a vision. Jeremy Camp was there singing “Oh no, you never let go.” I was worshipping with my eyes closed and suddenly I saw Jesus and myself. I had my back turned to Him holding several different boxes. In one box I saw my children, in another was my husband. A different box contained homeschooling. Another box contained different worries and fears. I was really struggling trying to hold all of these boxes and I knew that eventually I was going to have to let go. In that moment, Jesus whispered to me “You can let go, because I will never let go.” So immediately I dropped all the boxes and turned into His chest like a scared child clings to her daddy. Jesus wrapped His arms around me. Not only was He holding me, but He was also holding all those different boxes as well.

What relief! What peace! What a Savior! To cast all my care on Him because He cares for me.

God knew I needed Him to show me this. Somehow I had forgotten that He is completely able to handle everything. I was trying to carry it all on my own and was failing miserably. Trust Him enough to let go of it all and hold onto Him.

I must let go of everything else and cling to Him. I can trust Him to hold me and everything around me, because “In Him all things hold together.”

So with Jesus it’s ok to be clingy. It’s ok to let go and cling to Him for dear life because He will never let go!

My Greatest Need

It’s 2 am and feet that belong to my 6 year old are in my face, I just fed and tried to burp our baby boy who keeps grunting in his crib threatening to wake up again. If he wakes up then our 7 year old sleeping across the hall may wake up also.  I am tired….no I mean very TIRED. I put our baby back in his crib then hop back into bed because my greatest need is SLEEP right?..... Wrong….my greatest need is Jesus! Yes even in the middle of the night. Yes no matter how I feel, I need Him more than sleep; more than oxygen….I need Him. In fact I will never stop needing Him.

How often do I miss out, because in the moment I feel my need is something other than Him? Yes I’m awake at 2 am but so is He. In fact He never sleeps nor slumbers and it’s….QUIET. No one pulling my attention here and there, no children fussing or hollering, no TV…It’s just me and Him. What a perfect opportunity He has given me, yet often I rush off to sleep like my life depends on it. Oh God help me to be fully dependent upon You!

I am so thankful His mercies are new every morning and I’m sure Peter was too. I love in John 21 where Peter and some of the other disciples had been fishing all night and caught nothing. This was after Jesus’ resurrection and also after Peter “the rock” denied our Lord three times.

So Peter has been up all night and caught nothing. Jesus stands on the shore that morning and tells them to cast the net on the other side. I’m sure they were tired and ready to give up and ready for rest, but they obeyed and were amazed by the number of fish that were in the net.  John spoke and said “It is the Lord.” Peter hearing this grabs his outer garment and jumps in the water and swims to shore. Scripture tells us they were not far from shore, so he didn’t have to jump in and get wet but he did have to see Jesus! He couldn’t put it off a moment longer. There was Jesus, ready to serve them breakfast by the sea.

Often I am tired, ready to give up and the enemy whispers the word “failure” but there He is every morning…Jesus…quick to forgive, desiring to sit and share with me. What zeal Peter showed, he could have hung his head in shame, but he jumped in because he knew Jesus was his greatest need.

Peter received what he worked hard for all night and he left it all behind to swim to Jesus. Like Peter, my life is full of mistakes, but I never want to stop running to Jesus, even when it means leaving what I feel is important behind and jumping out and swimming to Him, to sit at His feet, to hear Him, to know Him more and more. He is most definitely my greatest need!

Pouring Your Heart Out

My boys love to wear costumes. They love pretending to be Spiderman or Hulk or a Transformer. They will play for hours just dressing up in different costumes. Most of these costumes come with masks. My boys don’t seem to mind them, but I have never been a fan of wearing masks. Most masks are hard to see out of and feel so hot and suffocating.  

You don’t have to be a child pretending to be a power ranger saving the world to wear a mask. We adults wear them too and sometimes on a daily basis. What is your normal response when someone asks “how are you?” We usually reply “I am fine” when the truth may be that we’re really not fine. In fact we’re not even ok.

We can hide behind our masks pretending everything is ok and we can fool most people. However, there is One who we cannot hide from because He knows our heart and our every thought. We sometimes treat God like He is man and keep things from Him, how silly of us!

Psalm 62:8 says “Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”

We trust God when we are able to pay the bills, everyone is healthy and things are going good.  It’s another thing to trust Him at ALL times. What about when the bank account is low or when sickness has taken over our homes or when we receive unexpected news? This verse also calls us to pour out our hearts before Him. It is so refreshing to pour everything out before the Lord. Yes He already knows all my thoughts and feelings, but He still wants me to pour myself out to Him. He knows this is something I need to do. He doesn’t want me to wear a mask with Him and pretend I am ok. I can get on my knees and pour my concerns, frustrations, fear, sin, love, and praise out before Him and get up a new person filled with Jesus and ready for whatever the day holds.

The last line in this verse even gives us the reason we can trust Him at all times and why we can pour our hearts out to Him. “God is a refuge for us.” He is our safe place, our strong tower, our hiding place. We cannot hide FROM God but we can most certainly hide IN God. (Psalm 32:7, Psalm 119:114) I can enter into His presence, my Hiding Place and I will never leave feeling condemned, unworthy or unsatisfied. I can pour myself out to Him and He is faithful to fill me back up with Himself.

He is completely trustworthy; He has not and will not fail you. Go ahead, take your mask off and pour your heart out to Him. After all He is our refuge and He will not leave you empty!

I have heard, I have seen

And the word of the Lord came to Isaiah, saying “Go and tell Hezekiah, Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears……Isaiah 38:5

I came across this passage recently and I remember the day years ago that it leaped off the page to me. We had just learned that our newborn son had been born with a severe heart defect. He appeared healthy at birth, but only a few hours of having him home he became very sick. He turned blue and cold and hours later we were surrounded by 5 doctors giving us devastating news.

To make matters worse, David and I both became sick with a stomach virus and we were not able to see our son or be with him. I was so confused, angry and felt completely hopeless. We had prayed for a healthy child and here we were looking at 3 open heart surgeries all before 3 years of age. Some of his doctors were concerned that he would not even survive the first surgery. So I was at home sick, with my son very sick over an hour away in the hospital, and I broke. I broke down and cried out to God asking Him to help me, to show me that He had not left us. I flipped my Bible open to Isaiah 38 and these words leaped off the page to me. “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears.” (Isaiah 38:5)  I know in this passage God was speaking to Hezekiah but in that moment He was also speaking to me!

As I read those words, my son was not instantly healed nor did I receive any magical answer as to why this was happening. I did receive unexplainable peace just knowing He was with me. He was with me and yes He had most definitely heard my prayers and seen my tears. His heart was breaking with mine. He was whispering “just hold fast to me and trust me…I’m not done yet, I am doing something amazing and beautiful and I have chosen you to be a part of it.”

Take heart and know that not only has God heard your prayers, He is faithful to answer your prayers. (Jeremiah 33:3) And not only has He seen your tears, scripture tells us He keeps a record of each one. (Psalm 56:8) He is always working even when we can’t see evidence of it. We must believe He is for us! He will never leave us!

So three open heart surgeries later, here we are. Daylen is a beautiful, smart and amazing child of God. Yes we went through crazy ups and downs, but this whole journey has been completely God filled. Our God sees, hears, and knows. He is with us and He is forever faithful.